March 28, 2014

on beauty and intensity

Growing up, I felt that something had to be intense to validate how real and right the experience it was; intense equated to "this is the right thing" in my mind.  Sometimes I would have a hard time seeing and enjoying the calm and peaceful moments in life because intense didn't just mean "this is right", but I had somehow also equated it with beautiful.
This was kind of confusing for me when I met and began dating Devin.  Everything was so calm all of the time and I had a hard time figuring out what that meant.  Now, it is really obvious to me that I wasn't exactly used to that feeling, but after I found it, I wanted to keep it around.

After a while, it became so startlingly simple what I should do and what direction I should go.  It was a new experience and I think it was something God knew I needed.  I may have been mad at Devin at times when we were dating, and still frequently feel that way (don't worry, the feeling is often mutual), but I always knew what we had was right and I still do.

I've learned that the moments we learn from intensity are often beautiful, but life has a way of giving intense situations, without searching for them or giving them control in my life.  It seems absolutely crazy to me now that I searched out these experiences to validate anything.

Adulthood has been teaching me that simple and calm experiences are also beautiful ...and much appreciated.  I've spent my time since looking for them.

3 comments:

Lauren said...

I'm even starting to think that the quiet, simple, calm moments are the most beautiful of all. But maybe that's just because I have a toddler in my house. ;)

To answer your question on my blog: We'll most likely be in Columbia for a year, then move somewhere for another three years. After that we'll probably be out. (Dan only owes 3 years of payback.) Unless Dan decides to specialize through the army or if we absolutely love it (maybe????) and want to stay in for longer. We'll see! The special program is just like a special training program that will give him a leg up in the army.

Brooke said...

Oh I can't even tell you how much I relate to this!! I used to rely so much on feeling intensely that I think I started missing some beautiful moments, simply because they were so calm and peaceful that they'd pass me by unnoticed. It's been harder for me to learn how to see the beauty in the calm than I could have anticipated, and I'm glad to know I'm not the only one who's ever felt this way. As always, loved every word of this :)

Jenna Griffin said...

I know what you mean! Lately I've been loving quiet moments of peace. I also really love the photos you included. Very pretty, cool, and unexpected!