April 14, 2012

6. What is the hardest thing you have ever experienced?

I walked a thin and long tight rope as a child created by a patchwork of mental health and bonding issues my siblings had from life prior to adoption.  Being much younger than my siblings, I was an easy target for emotional and physical abuse.  While other middle schoolers were trying to hit puberty gracefully, I had a court date to testify against my sister for the need of a restraining order for my Mom and me.

When my sister moved out I blocked out the years of abuse I experienced too.  I remember walking through the house and feeling something I don't remember feeling before and the words "this is peace" touched my heart.

I grew up with a desperate need for God in my life trying to keep that peace there.  When I acknowledged what had happened in college God answered my prayers and gave me great comfort.  When I went to counseling, God gave me the reassurance that I was doing something to bring peace to my life.  When I was at a place where my grieving was manageable, I began learning that empathy is a spiritual gift that God can only give us through experience.

I still have anxiety, I still grieve when I realize how lonely it is to emotionally be an only child, but I have learned the more I serve others the better I feel and I feel strong knowing that the cycle of abuse ended with me.


anna said...

beautiful post... i'm so sorry to hear about these trials in your past, but it seems as if it has made you a much stronger woman. i love the last statement you make.


mwoodall said...

Thanks so much for sharing that. I love the part you wrote about gaining the spiritual gift of empathy through experience. I completely agree. You are amazing and wonderful!

Ash said...

Hmmm. It's nice to be able to come out of something, and look back, and realize you grew from it. It took me a really long time and completely bottoming out my freshman year of college to be able to do so, and then I was so so grateful. But if you had told me that ten years earlier I wouldn't have believed you. I really really loved this post. You are such an amazing person!

Jordan Jaked said...

You are such a strong woman. It is amazing to see how far you have come. You are and will continue to do beautiful things with your life :)

Jenn @ PSP said...

First, I wanted to say how sweet it was of you to leave me book recommendations! Thank you for that, totally want to check out that series! Second, thank you so much for sharing this. I really respect people who keep it real on their blogs (I'm working on that myself). I also really respect that you have grown from a traumatizing situation and that you were able to face it and move on from it. It only gets better when God works with us to let the challenging times make us stronger.

Jacy said...

This was so touching autumn! Really. Thank you for sharing this! What a beautiful reminder that with faith and time, all things wounds can be healed.


Natalie said...

this really IS a beautiful post. Thanks for sharing that with us.